Asking Gemini (Google's ai):

5/5/2025 - It is 9:03 pm central time, in Norman Oklahoma.  Right now my anxiety is through the roof, I can't seem to be able to get to sleep.  It was 9:12 pm and now I finally got through, told my wife I loved her, and felt a bit disappointed when she answered the phone, it seemed to me like she was drinking.  Moments before my phone notified me that the car door was unlocked.  

  •  I suspect my wife is drinking or is under the influence on May 5th, 2025 @ 21:12 hours.
  • I know that my car hasn’t been driven since May 1, 2025 from researching it on my car's app on my phone and the car is parked at the house.
  • There is a small possibility she drove her car under the influence.

I do feel better now that I have communicated with her. That takes some of the anxiety away.  What can I do to help my wife?    

Gemini, responds:

It sounds like you're going through a really stressful and anxious time right now, and it's completely understandable why you'd feel that way given the situation you've described. It's good that talking to your wife helped ease some of your immediate anxiety, even though the call also raised concerns.

Dealing with a loved one's potential substance use is incredibly difficult and worrying. Your concern for her well-being is clear. Here are some steps and considerations for how you might approach helping your wife, focusing on both the immediate situation and longer-term support:

  1. Address Immediate Safety (If Necessary): Although you spoke with her, if you still have any lingering doubts about her safety tonight (like if she might still drive), prioritize ensuring she is safe. This might involve checking on her if possible and appropriate, or continuing communication to gently discourage any risky behavior like driving.
  2. Choose the Right Time to Talk: Discussing concerns about potential drinking is best done when you are both calm, sober, and have privacy. Bringing it up while she might be under the influence, or when you are feeling highly anxious or angry, is unlikely to be productive. Wait for a quiet moment in the next day or so.
  3. Communicate with Care and Concern:
    • Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and observations without blaming. Instead of "You were drinking last night and it worried me," try "I felt worried last night when we spoke, and I was concerned about you." Or, "I felt anxious when I got the notification about the car door, and then speaking with you made me concerned about whether you were okay and if you might be drinking."
    • Be Specific: Mention the specific events that caused your concern (the car door notification, how she sounded on the phone).
    • Express Care: Frame the conversation around your love and concern for her health, safety, and well-being.
    • Listen: Give her space to respond without interruption or judgment. Try to understand her perspective, even if you don't agree with it.
  4. Gather Information (For Yourself): Learning more about alcohol use disorder (AUD) can help you understand potential signs, challenges, and how addiction works. This knowledge can foster empathy and help you approach the situation more effectively. Reputable sources include the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
  5. Encourage Professional Help (Gently): You cannot force her to seek help, but you can express your concern and suggest options. This could include:
    • Talking to a doctor.
    • Seeing a therapist or counselor.
    • Attending a support group like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
    • Mentioning resources for assessment or treatment.
  6. Set Boundaries: It's important to decide what behaviors you are and are not willing to accept or enable. Enabling might include making excuses for her, covering up consequences, or providing financial support that facilitates drinking. Healthy boundaries protect your own well-being and can sometimes help the person struggling recognize the impact of their actions. For example, a boundary might be "I cannot be in the car if you have been drinking," or "I won't cover for you if drinking causes problems with work/family."
  7. Seek Support for Yourself: Dealing with a loved one's potential substance use is emotionally draining and can significantly impact your own mental health, as evidenced by your anxiety. Consider resources for yourself:
    • Al-Anon: This is a support group specifically for families and friends of individuals with drinking problems. It can provide coping strategies, understanding, and shared experiences. There are likely meetings in or near Norman.
    • Therapy/Counseling: A therapist can help you process your feelings, develop coping mechanisms, and learn how to navigate the situation effectively.
    • Trusted Friends/Family: Talking to someone you trust can provide emotional relief, but be mindful of your wife's privacy.

Local Resources in/near Norman, Oklahoma:

To help you find support for yourself or potentially for your wife, here are the types of resources you might look for:

  • Al-Anon Meetings: Search online for "Al-Anon meetings Norman Oklahoma". Meetings can be found through the official Al-Anon website.
  • AA Meetings: If your wife becomes open to it, search "AA meetings Norman Oklahoma".
  • Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services: Look for local counseling centers or therapists specializing in addiction. Cleveland County or Oklahoma state mental health services websites often have directories. SAMHSA has an online treatment locator.

It's important to remember that you cannot control your wife's choices or force her to change. Your focus should be on expressing your concern lovingly, offering support for seeking help, setting healthy boundaries for yourself, and taking care of your own emotional well-being through this challenging time. Your feelings are valid, and seeking support for yourself is just as important as wanting to help her.

 

Asking Gemini (Google's ai):

Other issues, is that I have to wake up early in the morning how do I do that with this nervous energy.  This is the second week of a business trip, feeling isolated, how do I overcome isolation?  I know my wife will be here on Wednesday, any suggestions on how to become social even if it is for couple of weeks in Norman Oklahoma?

Gemini, responds:

Okay, let's address these new challenges while keeping in mind the situation with your wife. It sounds like you're juggling a lot right now.

Managing Nervous Energy for Early Wake-Ups:

It's tough to sleep with high anxiety. Here are some strategies tailored to your situation:

  • Continue Communication: You mentioned talking to your wife helped. Maintain that open line of communication. Knowing you've connected with her might ease your mind before sleep.
  • Establish a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Since you're on a business trip, try to create a calming routine. This could involve:
    • Wind-down time: Dedicate the last hour or two to relaxing activities, such as reading, listening to calming music, or taking a warm bath or shower.
    • Consistent Sleep Schedule: Try to go to bed and wake up at the same times each day, even on weekends, to regulate your body's natural sleep-wake cycle.
    • Avoid Stimulants: Limit caffeine and alcohol, especially in the evening.
  • Address Anxiety Directly:
    • Mindfulness and Meditation: Apps like Calm or Headspace can guide you through relaxation exercises and mindfulness techniques.1
    • Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings before bed can help clear your mind.2
    • Deep Breathing Exercises: Box breathing or 4-7-8 breathing can calm your nervous system.3
  • Create a Comfortable Sleep Environment: Keep your hotel room dark, quiet, and cool. Consider using earplugs or a white noise app if you're sensitive to noise.

Overcoming Isolation on a Business Trip:

Isolation is common on business trips, but it doesn't have to be your reality:

  • Virtual Connection: Continue using phone calls with your wife, especially if you felt like it helped you reduce anxiety.
  • Utilize Downtime Wisely: You can schedule social activities, so that your wife can feel like you are still capable of doing activities.
  • Explore Norman: You don't mention the specifics of your business travel, however, exploring Norman when your schedule allows might help reduce feelings of isolation.

Socializing in Norman, Oklahoma:

Since you're here for a couple of weeks, here are some options to get social:

  • Meetup: The Meetup website can help you find groups that align with your interests.
  • Social Sports Leagues: Norman has options like Norman Parks and Recreation for team sports.
  • Local Events: Check local events listings (Visit Norman Website) or community calendars for festivals, concerts, or workshops.
  • Shared Activities with Your Wife: As your wife will come visit on Wednesday, schedule fun activities that you both will enjoy.

It's commendable that you're proactively seeking ways to manage your anxiety and isolation. Remember, taking small steps can make a big difference in your well-being.